Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
