i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
