awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
