All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
