You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
