This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
