i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
