Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
