I hate all girls vehemently.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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