I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
