I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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