Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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