I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
