I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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