so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
