still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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