Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
