You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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