My hand turned me down
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
