You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
