She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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