I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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