i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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