I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
