could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
