it glows. i had to have it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
