hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
