yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
