apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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