brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
