i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
