Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
