the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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