i just wanna soil my oats bro
I puked a lego.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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