Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am naked and annoyed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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