WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
