I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
