Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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