when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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