my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
