I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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