I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
