I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have tasted many bathrooms
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
