He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
