we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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