I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
