Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
