I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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