State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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