He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You ruined the universe
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
