he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
