cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
