Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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