dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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