i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
