Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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