my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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