I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hippo gnu deer
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
