Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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