plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
