Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
