Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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