dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
