Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
