You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
