Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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