The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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