Will you blow on my dice?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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