I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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