This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm passing your future prison.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
