u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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