Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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