last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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