im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
