Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
