Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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