Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
