We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
