Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
