Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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