I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
