so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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