hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
