I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize