dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
