I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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