how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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